Sometimes we just need a hug, unfortunately, a lot of the time we lose sight of how powerful this simple act can be. We easily forget the importance of expressing our love for one another and how transformational these expressions are. It’s easy to get caught in appearances, pretending everything is okay when it clearly is not, we forget to stop and ask for what we desperately need.
Yesterday was one of those days where everything seemed to be going “wrong” for me. I began to feel like I was being sucked into the chaotic vortex, I was becoming overwhelmed and I didn’t follow my own advice! I always encourage people to pause, step back, and take the time to observe what is really going on. When we feel this way, it’s actually just a big ole learning experience presenting us with an opportunity for growth. I lost sight of this yesterday and I just kept on going, pushing harder, chasing the illusion that I could control all that was going “wrong”. When I finally made it home, close to safety, I realized I’d lost my keys. The universe wasn’t done with me yet, the lesson was continuing. I was now locked out of my house and no one could here me knocking, the doorbell wasn’t being answered, everyone’s phones rang and rang, it felt like no one was listening me. After 20 minutes of sitting on the stoop I began to cry. I just let go and allowed myself to feel my emotional frustration. When I was done crying, and feeling a little better, I knocked on my daughters window (why I didn’t think of this earlier is beyond me) and she opened the door for me. I walked right past her, all caught up in my huff about my awful day. She asked what she had done, she thought I was upset with her because I was acting so out of character. I didn’t answer her, I was at my limit and completely shut down. As the night went on I began to feel better and shared my day with my family. Everyone listened and was very supportive and we even had some laughs about how ridiculous it was for me to get so caught up in the chaos. Before bed, as I was tucking my daughter in, she asked me to sit down next to her. As I did she reached over and hugged me. She held me there, letting me know she loved me. I began to cry again, tear of joy, as I realized what had just happened. My daughter and I have been going through this thing recently, she gives me back the comfort I have taught her over the years. There have been two instances where she has blown me away with her wisdom and compassion. This all began when a college friend of mine shared these words of wisdom: the best thing a Mom can do is show her children she is vulnerable too. When we allow our children to see our vulnerabilities and emotions they are able to recognize our human connection, we all make mistakes, we are all imperfect, we all need love. Mom’s aren’t super human, although sometimes we feel that we should be…. this doesn’t end up sending a healthy message in the end.
A few months ago, I was observing some family drama play out for the hundredth time and somehow I allowed a derogatory comments from a family member to weigh me down. They had cut into me and it was apparent to my daughter, she gently asked me if I wanted to talk about it, just like I always ask her. I explained how someone had said that I was the biggest “disappointment” of their life. She looked at me and said “you have never disappointed me, you are an awesome Mom”. She threw my advice right back at me and said not to let other people’s comments affect how I view myself! She reminded me to remain confident in who I am and that negative remarks from others are just expressions of their own disappointment in themselves, they place name on others to make themselves feel better, bigger, more powerful. Wow! How did she get so smart at only ten years of age? When I asked her she simply replied, “this is what you always do for me when I am upset, you make me feel better” and then she hugged me. I realized at that moment the power of a hug and the power of teaching our children to LOVE. My second experience happened recently when we were moving and everyone was overwhelmed. My son started to slightly panic as he struggled to adjust to our change of location which then set off my daughter like dominoes. She came over to me, on the verge of tears, trying to explain what was going on, and then she paused and said “I think I just need a hug”. So I hugged her, we hugged and hugged and I realized that was exactly what I needed as well. A time out, a time to love and comfort, a time to connect in the midst of major change and upheaval. I was so in awe of her, how did she do that, I thought? How did she just know to ask for a hug instead of trying to act like everything was okay? How did she know how to stop trying to explain and just go for what she needed? How come I didn’t even know that’s what I needed? These moments make me so proud of my kids, so honored to be their mother. I also realize that I am their example, if I don’t open up, if I don’t show my vulnerability, if I try to hide my tears then they will never feel comfortable to express themselves emotionally.
If only we could all feel secure enough to ask for hugs, to ask for help, to be comfortable expressing ourselves. The world we live in makes this difficult, it’s so important to find a safe place to let ourselves be free, home is where the heart is.
My daughter and I made a pact, if we see each other upset we will just go in for the hug, we will try harder to express ourselves and also ask for what we need. We are going to be there for each other, we are going to spread the love. A hug is priceless and it’s free.
A HUG:
Sometimes it seems
We live in extremes
Close to a break down
What do we need?
Comforting soul of another
When nothing’s going right
Hope’s far outta sight
Very close to tears
Will crying cleanse me?
Wisdom of my daughter
Wrapping her arms around
Hugging without a sound
Realizing her love for me
Life begins flowing gently
Our connection is soothing
When my day feels blue
All I need to do
Is ask a simple question
Can I have a hug today?
Allow yourself this luxury
Stop for a moment
Breathe in fresh air
Life is for living
Hugs make it fair
Love is stronger than us
~MISS KISS~
May 12, 2015
